The Funeral

Sat05May12

A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.

A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash.

Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.

The man couldn’t stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said: “I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I’ve never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?”

“My wife’s.”

”What happened to her?”

“She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her.”

He inquired further, “But who is in the second hearse?”

The man answered, “My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her. She didn’t survive either.”

A very poignant and touching moment of brotherhood and silence passed between the two men.

“Can I borrow the dog?”

The man replied, “Get in line.”

Key to Marriage

Thu25Aug11

A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren.

When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies,
“Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids.”

Modern Marvels

Thu25Aug11

A salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his meeting tomorrow, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises.

“I’m afraid not, sir,” the clerk told him apologetically, “but down the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purposes.”

Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted $15, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and spin. Fifteen seconds later, he pulled his head out and looked in the mirror, and saw the best haircut of his life. “Would wonders never cease! This futuristic stuff is amazing,” he thought.

Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read “Manicures $10.”

“Why not?” he thought. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and the machine started to buzz and spin. Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his hands and they were perfectly manicured.

The next machine had a sign that read, “Machine provides a service men need when away from their wives, 50 Cents.”

“Oh, man…do I ever need that!” He looked both ways, put fifty cents in the machine, unzipped his fly, and with some anticipation, stuck his manhood into the opening.

When the machine started buzzing, he let out a shriek of agony and almost passed out.

Fifteen seconds later it shut off. With trembling hands, he was able to withdraw his member which now had a button neatly sewn on the end.

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