There is an old piece of advice, maybe you’ve heard it. It goes something like “You don’t really know who a person is, until you know who they are when they’re mad.”

For those not familiar, this is often advice given to young couples before they consider marriage.

For us trekkers, the advice is : Make sure you go trekking together, before you consider marrying each other!

Here’s why….

In an artificial setting like a coffee shop, restaurant or a park, you only talk.

Yet, we spend most of our married life doing things – making breakfast, going to office, sending the kids to school. And in doing these ordinary tasks we display our love, respect and consideration towards one another. It cements our bond and our marriage becomes stronger.

But those are things you cannot get a sense of while sipping overpriced coffee.

However, on a 5-6 day trek, the mask of the city wears off quickly and the real person surfaces.

There is no better place to evaluate a partner than on a trek.

Here’s why:

1. Trekking is not a “walk in the park.” It’s hard work… and the best way to tell if you have a complaining partner. If so, you can be sure married life with them will be similar.

2. Like a trek, life is a series of cooperation – at home and work. If your partner doesn’t exhibit a sense of cooperation on a 5-6 day trek… you can guess what the next 50 years may be like.

3. There are any number of things that can go wrong on a trek. And in life. Trekking is the perfect way to see if your partner deals with bad situations in a cool and composed manner. A dose of humour is a bonus.

4. Trekking gives you a true sense of how your partner gets along with others. Beware of a partner who is glued to your side on a trek, and doesn’t socialise with others.

5. A considerate partner is far more important in life than a loving partner. Trekking gives constant opportunity to evaluate this. Does your partner show consideration to the world? Do they pick up fallen chocolate wrappers? Have a kind word and gesture towards others?

6. Trekking will quickly show you whether your partner is a self sufficient human being… Or someone who gives orders (however sweetly), for others to get things for them.

(As we have heard, “A partner who orders is a menace for the future.”)

Over the course of a 5 day trek, you can learn a lifetime of information about someone (for some people, this is found out just in travel to basecamp!).

For that matter, it can be a great way to meet a well-suited partner as well!

Lest you marry the wrong one.

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So you love your fiance, but is he the right person to marry? Well, Father Pat Connor, missionary, marital expert and the first priest ever to be quoted by Glamour magazine, sure knows the answer.

The Australian-born Catholic priest, now based in New Jersey, has condensed his wisdom from 40-odd years of counselling engaged couples into one manual of advice-Whom Not to Marry.

He has conducted premarital counselling and presided over more than 200 weddings.

He also lectures high school girls on the pitfalls of marrying the wrong guy.

And he likes to catch women young, because once they have fallen in love they will be less likely to absorb his sensible and often unromantic advice.

He believes there are no soulmates, only lovers to whom we commit.

Connor’s central thesis is that you can be deeply in love with someone to whom you can’t be successfully married.

He advises a year-long engagement to examine fully the values and character of your future spouse.

And Connor’s ‘whom not to marry’ list is as follows:

1. Mummy’s boys

2. Men who are bad with money

3. Men with no friends

4. Men who put you down in public

5. Men who are rude to waitering staff

6. Men unable to laugh at themselves

7. Men unwilling to share authority

8. Men who never make demands countering yours

Originally at http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/man-woman/List-of-men-you-shouldnt-marry/articleshow/5880027.cms

Friendly or outgoing people are more attractive, a new study suggests.

In the study, Gettysburg College psychology professor Brian Meier and his research team found that people who were high in the personality traits of agreeableness or extraversion were rated by strangers as being more attractive.

Meier’s team assessed the personality of 217 men and women.

The photos of these men and women were shown to unacquainted strangers who rated their physical attractiveness.

They found that the men and women who had higher levels of agreeableness or extraversion were also rated as more physically attractive even though raters did not know or interact with the individuals.

Meier said: “The results suggest that there is some truth to the ‘beautiful is good’ stereotype or the ‘halo effect’. People have a tendency to think that attractive people also possess ‘attractive” qualities – such as being friendly, outgoing, and smart.”

He added: “Interestingly, it appears that grooming is a key mechanism. Friendly or outgoing people were also better groomed in the photographs, which made them appear more attractive to others.

Because the photographs were taken unexpectedly, friendly or outgoing individuals seem to be better groomed on a daily basis, which likely helps them receive the social interaction they desire.”

He concluded: “Grooming is a strong predictor of attractiveness that can be easily controlled by the individual unlike more physical characteristics such as weight or skin blemishes. Thus, sociable people seem to already know that a neat appearance goes a long way in drawing others’ attention.”

The paper titled ‘Are sociable people more beautiful?,’ has been published in the Journal of Research in Personality.

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