Phone Detox: 5 Ways to go back to good old days!

People are on the right track.

Turning off notifications is a good idea as a way to avoid constant reminders that someone, somewhere, has said something that may require our attention and remove it from the people who are in front of us.

Limiting use of phones at dinner is another simple way to take a small break from social media availability and focus on the people you are with in real life.

This can also be a way to practice limiting use at other times, as you become more used to having your phone turned off or in another room.

Here are some additional strategies that can work:

•Go Offline at Certain Times of Day: If you create windows when you are not available (like dinnertime, after a certain time of night, or even every other hour), you begin to teach yourself how to limit your availability. You also teach others not to expect you to be constantly available. This small boundary may make it easier to disconnect at other times and in other ways.

•Become Comfortable with "Sleep Mode": Putting your phone on "sleep mode" and only checking it once an hour is a good way to keep notifications functional but silent, so you can choose when to let them interrupt your day. This puts you in greater control.

•Ask People to Call You On It: Enlist help by announcing that you’d like to check your phone less when you are with people. You can even make a pact with others that none of you will be on your phones when you are together, as in "olden times" (like 2005). This can help you to stay connected with those you’re with, and make it into a game of sorts, rather than something you try to do alone.

•Delete Your Apps: If you delete social media apps on your phone, you’ll be forced to only use them when you are at your computer or tablet. This makes it more challenging to maintain a mindless habit of checking your phone, but it doesn’t cut you off entirely. The idea is to make yourself think about it more, and to make social media less available—but not completely inaccessible.

•Try Meditation: Because checking your phone can be such an insidious habit, it’s easy to do it without thinking. Getting into a new habit like meditation can help you to become more conscious of the present moment, the here and now. That can also help you to get into the practice of being here, now, rather than wondering who else is saying something online. Practice being fully present and it will become easier to keep your phone in your pocket.

by Rituparna Malini at https://www.speakingtree.in/blog/phone-detox-5-ways-to-go-back-to-good-old-days/m-lite

Films sanctify pestering and stalking of women

The ghastly assault and rape of a female paramedic in Delhi has produced an avalanche of protest and comment on why we treat women so badly. But a major cause, the film industry, has hardly been mentioned. It has fostered thoroughly retrograde male attitudes that are at least partly responsible.

Some feminists focus on the commodification of women in Bollywood’s “item numbers”, sex-laden dances by Isha Koppikar, Mallika Sherawat and others. Others highlight the popularity of rape scenes to titillate audiences. Old-time villain Ranjeet did close to 100 rape scenes, with the audience almost cheering him on.

Yet item numbers and rape scenes are not the main problem. After all, cabaret dancers and villains are not role models. What’s truly terrible is the manner in which film heroes have for decades pestered, stalked and forced their unwanted attentions on heroines in a thousand films, yet ended up getting the girl. That sends the most outrageous of all messages to the public: pestering girls is what heroes do, and a girl’s “no” actually means “yes.”

Hit film songs that glorify harassment and stalking have compounded the problem. These are perpetuated in memory and social attitudes through repeated humming of the songs and viewing of video clips.

Dev Anand was the great romantic lover of my youth. We watched him serenade Nalini Jaywant in the film Munimji (“jeevan ke safar mein rahi”), while pawing and pestering her. He was equally obstreperous with Nutan in the film Paying Guest, with the hit song “Mana janab ne pukara nahin.” The song’s words frankly admit that although he is not welcome at all, he must insist on gaily forcing his attentions on her. For decades after audiences sang these songs, barely conscious of the sordid values they implied.

Raj Kapoor couldn’t be far behind. In his opus Sangam he sang a megahit while pestering a bathing Vyjianthimala: “Mere man ki Ganga, aur teri man ki Yamuna, bol Radha bol sangam hoga ke nahin.” As justification for this boorishness, he stuck a feather in his hair in imitation of Lord Krishna, who also harassed bathing gopis. Whereas Krishna played on the flute, Raj Kapoor played on Scottish bagpipes, a variation difficult to explain except as a side-effect of the actor’s fondness for Scotch whisky.

Amitabh Bachchan strode the Bollywood scene like a colossus. His biggest contribution to female degradation was in the film Hum. In this, he and a gang of maybe 300 leering males demand a kiss from actress Kimi Katkar—the hit song “Jumma chumma de de.”

Katkar sings back that she will not give a kiss. The male leerers insist on a kiss and douse her with a hosepipe. Ultimately, after several refusals, the song ends with Bachchan finally getting his kiss. He emerges grinning from the melee with lipstick smeared across his face. There could hardly be a more graphic message: if only you harass a woman enough, no matter how often she says no, she will ultimately say yes.

The greatest Hindi film of all time was probably Sholay. This had Dharmendra giving his version of how to win a girl. He jumps on the tonga (horse carriage) of tongawali Hema Malini, serenading her and grabbing her from behind. She fights him off, knocking him off the tonga. But he once again climbs aboard and continues with his musical harassment. The song goes, “Koi hasina jab rooth jati hai to, aur bhi hasin ho jati hai.” (translation: when a beautiful girl gets pissed off with you, she becomes even more beautiful). Does he go to jail for this behaviour? Alas no, she falls into his arms! Great are the rewards of harassment.

I don’t see films in other India languages. Some say they are even cruder, so let’s not blame Bollywood alone. I’m told such crudity doesn’t happen in big Bollywood films any more. Really? I saw Rockstar, in which Ranbir Kapoor forces his attentions on a girl, who initially resists but then asks him to take her to a raunchy film!

Let the last word come from somebody in the film business.“There are films in which romantic wooing has been replaced by a kind of harassment of the heroine. The heroes of these films could be considered stalkers in some civil societies. Now imagine that this actor is a role model to millions… wouldn’t his fans think this behaviour is okay? Now imagine that this actress is a role model to millions… what message does it send to women across the country?”

These are the words of actor-director Farhan Akhtar. When he says things are getting worse, please pay attention.

– by SA Aiyar
Originally at http://blogs.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/Swaminomics/entry/films-sanctify-pestering-and-stalking-of-women